Tears of a "Accident Child"

I despise seeing her

cry 

I Hate making her

DISAPPOINTED

I know i have made all those gray hairs the way they are. Yet she has always been there when Ive been sick, when I have fallen out of that tree several times. when i just didn't want to go to school she was there to comfort me. I know she always has by back when I'm back at home. It kills me when i see her not smiling. Its fear i see in her eyes when i walk out the door. the fear she see I don't. the feelings she has i don't. The way i loved her i don't. The feeling i have had in the past are in the past, she keeping loving me all i do is push, shove kick her away.

The fear she has of me getting locked up i don't see because i wont let that happen. The fear that i wont go on a mission is now the fear that all i do is smoke weed and fu*k my girlfriend. The fear of her having that grandchild shes was not excepting. The fear that i have put her through is not fear, but it is true honest TERROR